On Fear and Failure

I am afraid of failing.

I guess that's not exactly earth-shattering news to anyone. Or maybe it's not even news. It's a pretty common fear, so I'm far from alone there.

But, I feel like I take my fear a step further than many people do. For example, last Saturday, I had the chance to go horseback riding for the first time ever. I was on an older horse who used to be used as a therapy horse for children with special needs. I had three experienced riders near me who could help guide me and make sure everything was okay. It was probably the best case first time riding scenario than anyone could have.

I went around the indoor arena three times. While someone else held the reins.

Now, the woman who held the reins (my future aunt-in-law...ha ha) assured me that I was being brave by even getting on the horse. I didn't realize what huge animals they are, so I was intimidated even before I saddled up. However, now I regret not trying more. I was scared. Scared of falling. Scared of looking foolish. Even scared of falling and hitting at just the right angle to break my neck, become paralyzed, etc. (see, a step further than most people, right?).

I realize something important now though. I can't let fear control me anymore. Yes, I might fail/fall. Yes, I might look stupid. And yes, I might even hurt myself. But all of that is okay. Babies have to fall down before they learn to walk. I have to fail before I can succeed. I have to quit being afraid of "what might happen" and start just living. I have to start living for myself too, not in a selfish way, but in a way that allows me to make my own decisions and experience my own consequences. Life is messy, and there will be failures, but if I can conquer failure, I can conquer anything.