When I started thinking about this, I thought about being a little shallow. "I'm afraid of snakes, poisonous spiders, other things that people usually say, etc." There's nothing wrong with that, but I really feel like I need to stretch my writing muscles and dive deeper into what I'm writing about, rather than take the easy way out on things. So, here it goes.
I'm afraid of being left behind.
I don't necessarily mean left behind in the sense of the Rapture happens and I'm the only person I know still left; what I mean is being left behind by the deaths of my husband, parents, and brother. I don't like to think morbid thoughts or imagine a situation in which all of them would perish and I would be okay, but if I ever start down that road, well, I can't really even finish that sentence.
I have an overactive imagination. I go into hyper overdrive if someone says they'll be home by x time and then they're not, particularly if I don't hear from them, if I hear about a wreck on their route, things like that. My pastor just talked about Philippians 4:6-7, which talks about not being anxious, casting cares on God, etc, but it's something that's hard for me to do. I struggle with anxiety and worrying and letting my thoughts take control when they shouldn't. But, sometimes, things get into my head, and it's hard to let them go. It's a one day at a time process, and it will be for the rest of my life.
And realistically, the odds are small of my biggest fear coming to fruition, and if it does, then I can rest knowing that I will get to see them again in Heaven. I know that should help assuage this fear, but nothing beats prayer and not thinking about it at all.
Phew, I feel like we've had some heavy topics lately. Or rather, I've put a heavy spin on some of these things. I'll try to be funnier soon...I'd rather write humor (or what I consider humor) than serious things (even though that kind of contradicts what I said above about diving deeper into my writing. I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma...)
P.S. I work as a Reference and Instruction Librarian in a small private university. (To reference yesterday's posting)
No comments:
Post a Comment